My Child Is Discouraged by School: How to Reignite Their Motivation

When your child loses their spark

It’s heartbreaking to hear the words: “I hate school.” Even more unsettling is to see your once-curious child trudging through mornings, eyes downcast, dreading the school day ahead. If you're reading this, you’re probably sensing that something has shifted in your child’s relationship to learning—and you may feel helpless, unsure of how to reach them. But motivation isn't a switch to flip on or off. It's more like a flame: sometimes strong, sometimes flickering, and always needing fuel.

Understanding what's really going on

Before trying to ‘fix’ the issue, it's important to listen carefully. When a child loses motivation, it’s rarely about laziness or defiance. It can stem from many layered experiences: the anxiety of falling behind, repeated failure, a lack of connection at school, or simply not feeling seen for who they are.

One parent I spoke with, Camille, shared how her 9-year-old son, Noah, went from loving science to begging to skip school. The turning point came when he struggled with a few units in math and gradually decided he “just wasn’t smart.” Teachers were unaware of his inner struggle. At home, he dissolved into tears at every mention of homework.

In moments like these, what your child needs most is to feel you’re on their team—not as someone pushing them to do better, but as someone who sees their pain and cares deeply.

Rebuilding confidence, not just completing homework

Sometimes, academic motivation doesn’t come from more review sheets or stricter routines. It begins with stories, small victories, and the feeling of being capable again. For Noah, it started during a car ride to the supermarket. Camille had used a tool to convert his math lesson into an audio adventure. Suddenly, he wasn’t “doing math”—he was a space explorer named Noah, solving puzzles to fix a broken spaceship. He laughed. He answered every question. And more importantly, he asked to listen to it again.

Tools like play as a learning strategy are more powerful than we often realize. When children become the heroes of their own learning stories, they reawaken their sense of purpose.

The power of productive encouragement

If a child is discouraged, praise alone isn’t enough. What they need is recognition—thoughtful, sincere acknowledgment of their effort and progress. Instead of saying, “Good job,” try, “I noticed you kept trying even when that problem felt frustrating. That shows real courage.” This kind of validation builds what researchers call academic self-efficacy—the belief that 'I can succeed with effort.'

Our guide to encouragement and recognition dives deeper into how these moments of connection fuel long-term motivation.

Creating small, soulful rituals around learning

Sometimes a shift in context can revive a child’s enthusiasm. Maybe it’s 10 minutes of quiz games after dinner (created from a snapshot of today’s lesson), or transforming Friday evenings into “question nights” where the whole family guesses answers from the week’s school topics. These aren’t about competition; they’re about joy and connection.

If your child has an auditory learning preference, turning written lessons into audio they can listen to in the car or while building LEGO can make a huge difference. Skuli, a parent-designed app on iOS and Android, lets families turn dry school content into playful, personalized resources—like audio adventures where your child becomes the main character. It’s a small shift with deep impact: suddenly, learning isn’t a chore. It’s an experience.

How we talk about mistakes matters

Children who are discouraged often become afraid to make mistakes. They may hide their assignments, pretend not to care, or shut down completely when faced with a challenge. The problem isn’t the mistake itself—it's what the mistake means to them.

We can change that by changing how we talk about failure. Try saying, “What did this mistake teach you?” or “That was a brave try. What will you change next time?” Over time, this helps your child develop resilience and a growth mindset.

Read more in our article on talking constructively about mistakes.

Your presence is the greatest motivator

At the heart of it all, your gaze—how you look at your child, especially when they struggle—shapes their self-worth more than any grade ever will. When they see love in your eyes rather than disappointment, when they feel believed in rather than pressured, they begin to believe in themselves again.

We explore this in depth in this article about the power of a parent’s gaze.

A final thought

Motivation doesn't return overnight. But each day offers an opportunity to plant a seed: through play, through connection, through celebrating effort more than outcome. Even ten-minute routines—to reflect, listen, play or review—can move mountains over time.

If you’re looking for gentle, joyful ways to support your child emotionally as they rebuild trust in their abilities, our guide to daily encouragement rituals can help frame a more hopeful rhythm.

Above all, know this: your child’s flame isn’t out. It may just need shelter, patience, and a little spark. And you, more than anyone, have the power to help it glow again.