My Child Acts Differently at School: How to Help Them Adapt and Thrive

“She’s not like this at home...”

If you’ve ever found yourself saying those words after a parent-teacher meeting, you’re not alone. It’s one of the most common phrases we hear from parents of children aged 6 to 12. At home, your child might be funny, curious, affectionate — and yet, in school, they withdraw, act out, or fall behind. You might feel confused… even helpless. But your child isn’t broken. They’re just navigating a world that doesn’t always make room for differences.

Seeing the invisible struggle

The first step is to pay attention to the invisible effort kids expend to “fit in.” In many classrooms, there's an expectation to learn in one particular way: sitting still, listening quietly, working quickly. But what if your child learns through movement, by speaking their thoughts aloud, or needs extra time to understand instructions? Suddenly that expectation becomes a daily mountain to climb.

Children who experience this dissonance often come home emotionally depleted. They might seem irritable, anxious, or simply exhausted after school. You may even notice headaches or stomachaches creeping in. It’s not rebellion — it’s self-protection.

If you’re not sure what’s behind your child’s school behavior, this story may help: Why Is My Daughter Struggling in School Even Though She’s Smart?.

Meet them where they are — not where they “should” be

School success doesn’t start with grades. It starts with being seen. When we recognize our child’s unique learning style, the way they interpret the world, and the specific challenges they face — that’s when things begin to shift.

Maybe your son reads fluently but can’t explain what he’s read. Maybe your daughter loses focus mid-sentence or is often labeled "distracted." These may be signs of a different cognitive profile, not a lack of intelligence. In fact, many kids who “act out” or “zone out” are simply overwhelmed by sensory input or misunderstood expectations. This deeper dive into the topic may help: Understanding Children Who Learn Differently.

Adapting the school experience — at home

You can’t always change the classroom. But you can transform how your child prepares for it. One mom I worked with described how her daughter would cry whenever homework involved reading instructions. So we tried something new: instead of forcing her to read on paper again after a long day, we transformed the lesson into audio — and listened to it in the car on the way to school.

That simple switch, powered by a helpful learning app called Skuli (which can turn written lessons into engaging audio adventures where your child becomes the story’s main hero), made all the difference. Hearing her own name woven into the learning grabbed her enthusiasm — and she began anticipating review sessions rather than dreading them.

The key here isn’t just changing the format — it’s changing the emotional experience around learning. When a child feels connected and in control, their brain is far more receptive.

Helping them belong — not just ‘behave’

We often focus on helping children “adjust” to the school system, but rarely question whether the system adjusts to them. That’s where advocacy comes in. If your child’s behavior is being misread — as defiance, laziness, or immaturity — it's time to gently open a dialogue with their teacher, school counselor, or special education staff.

Bring in examples of how your child thrives in different environments. Share how they may benefit from movement breaks, verbal instructions, or visual supports. If your child often refuses to do their homework, for instance, this article could offer some clarity behind what looks like resistance: He Refuses to Do His Homework — What If It's Something Else?.

Make it collaborative, not confrontational. Remember: most educators want to help — but they don’t live with your child. You do. You see things no one else does.

When the difference becomes a strength

Sometimes, what makes your child “different” in a school context is what will help them shine later in life. Think of the kids who build imaginary worlds in their heads, who constantly ask "why?", who can memorize entire song lyrics but forget what page they’re on. These aren’t flaws — they’re windows into how your child’s mind works.

One boy I supported used to drift into daydreams during math. His teacher thought he was inattentive. Turns out, he was mentally building complex fantasy stories to cope with feeling lost. Once we brought storytelling into his math practice, his engagement skyrocketed. If your child seems to live in a world of their own, you may find comfort in this: My Child Is Always Daydreaming — Should I Be Worried?.

Above all, keep doing what you’re doing

Helping your child adapt isn’t about changing who they are. It’s about equipping them with tools — emotional, cognitive, and practical — to navigate environments that aren’t always designed for their brilliance. You're already doing the hardest part: showing up, asking questions, and looking for better ways.

Remember, you are not alone in this. And neither is your child. Together, step by step, you can help them not only adapt — but belong.