Is School Making Our Children Anxious? Here's How to Respond with Empathy and Confidence

When School Feels Like a Weight

One Monday morning, Léa, age 9, clung to her bedsheets, whispering that her stomach hurt. Her mom, Julia, gently stroked her back, realizing this wasn’t just about a bellyache—it had become routine. Every school day brought the same resistance, the same discomfort. Deep down, Julia wondered: Is school making her anxious?

If you recognize your own child in Léa’s story, you’re not alone. Increasingly, parents are noticing signs of stress in their 6- to 12-year-olds—from sleep troubles and morning meltdowns to comments like “I hate school” or “I’m not good enough.” Underneath these behaviors is often a tangle of anxiety linked to academic pressure, social challenges, or simply the mental fatigue that comes from an overstimulating environment.

Stress Signals: Learning to Decode What’s Really Going On

Children don't often have the vocabulary to say, "I'm overwhelmed." Instead, anxiety shows up in subtle ways. Maybe your child:

• Starts complaining of physical symptoms before school—headaches, nausea, or stomach pain (read more about psychosomatic signs)
• Can’t fall asleep on Sunday nights or wakes up frequently during the night
• Cries during homework time or procrastinates with unusual intensity
• Asks to stay home "just this once" more often than usual

These are quiet cries for help. Often, what we interpret as defiance or laziness is actually a child trying to cope with demands that feel too big. In many cases, school isn’t the enemy—but the pace, structure, and expectations can clash with a child’s individual rhythm and readiness.

The Middle Years: A Crucial Emotional Crossroads

Between ages 6 and 12, children make academic leaps that involve not just learning—but consistently performing. Suddenly, there are spelling tests, group projects, math drills, and looming expectations to “keep up.” For some, this brings confidence. But for many, especially those who struggle with processing speed, attention, or executive function, it starts to feel like running uphill while everyone else is skipping.

Throw in social pressures—fitting in with peers, decoding teacher expectations—and the emotional load becomes even heavier. These years often mark the quiet start of performance anxiety, or develop into perfectionism fueled by fear of failing. If not acknowledged, it can snowball (here's how to spot early signs of mental fatigue).

How Can We Help Without Adding Pressure?

It's tempting to respond with pep talks: "You're smart, you'll be fine!" or "You just have to try harder." But while well-intentioned, these responses can miss the mark. They may unintentionally downplay your child’s emotional reality—leaving them feeling even more alone.

Instead, meet them where they are. Here’s what that can look like:

1. Validate first, always. Instead of jumping into solutions, start with: “It sounds like school felt really hard today. Want to tell me about it?” Even if they don’t open up right away, your invitation is a powerful message that their feelings are safe with you.

2. Reclaim the joy of learning. For a child caught in a loop of stress, lessons can feel lifeless, mechanical. Try reintroducing learning in ways that connect emotionally. For example, if your child enjoys listening to stories, transform their reading assignments into audio adventures—with them as the main character. One parent we spoke to had great success using an educational app that lets you turn school lessons into personalized stories using your child’s name. Suddenly, grammar reviews became exciting quests, not dull drills.

3. Create a buffer zone after school. Give your child a chance to decompress before diving into homework. Go for a walk, have a silly dance party, or let them play freely for 30 minutes. Unstructured time is essential to reset their nervous system. (Here are some calming ideas the whole family can enjoy.)

4. Let the pressure breathe. Sometimes, we (without meaning to) echo the stress of school at home by over-monitoring performance. Pause and ask yourself: Is the goal for my child to feel prepared—or to feel perfect? Building confidence doesn’t mean eliminating all discomfort—it means helping your child move through it with support. Here are some ways to help, gently.

Rewriting the Story Together

Your child doesn’t need to be fixed—they need to feel seen. Beneath their school-related anxiety is often an intelligent, sensitive, capable child who is simply overwhelmed by the format, not unable to learn. When we shift from forcing outcomes to supporting regulation, children often show surprising resilience.

If your child resists their homework, instead of insisting, explore what’s underneath: Do they feel unsure? Embarrassed? Tired? Through small shifts—like turning a photo of the day’s notes into a customized review quiz, or letting them listen to a history lesson in the car—we ease pressure and make space for new associations. Not everything has to involve staying seated at a desk.

And perhaps that’s the heart of it: anxiety thrives in silence and rigidity. What children need is more connection, more flexibility, and more belief—belief in who they are, not just in what they can do at school.

Final Thoughts: It’s Okay to Question the System

It’s not an overreaction to be concerned about school-related anxiety. The truth is, many children are managing more than we realize. From busy classrooms to long days of stimulation, it can be a lot. (Learn more about overstimulation in today’s kids.)

But the good news is: with our support, our children don’t have to carry it alone. By adjusting the environment, replacing pressure with connection, and leaning into tools that adapt to how they learn best, we can help them regain their confidence and joy—not just in school, but in themselves.