How to Tell the Difference Between an HEP Child and One with ADHD
Understanding the Inner World of Your Child
If you’re here, it’s likely that you’ve spent countless evenings sitting next to your child at the kitchen table, trying to finish homework that should have taken 20 minutes—but somehow, it's still dragging on an hour later. Maybe your child daydreams during class, fidgets constantly, or has emotional outbursts that leave you and their teacher puzzled. Some days, they seem incredibly insightful, asking philosophical questions or becoming deeply immersed in a complex topic. Other days, they can’t seem to sit still or follow even the simplest instructions. As a parent, it’s confusing—and exhausting. Could it be ADHD? Or are you raising a child with High Emotional Potential (HEP)?
HEP or ADHD: Why It’s Not So Easy to Tell
The behaviors of children with HEP and those with ADHD can overlap in ways that baffle even educators and clinicians. Both can be impulsive, inattentive, and emotionally intense. But the motivations behind those behaviors, and how the child experiences the world, are dramatically different. Mistaking one for the other can lead to misplaced strategies that may not support your child in the way they need.
The Key Differences in the Day-to-Day
Imagine two children in the same classroom. One is constantly fidgeting, talking out of turn, and zoning out during lessons. The teacher assumes both are struggling to focus. But one child, the one with ADHD, truly wants to pay attention—they just can’t. Their brain is wired with a deficit in attention regulation. The other child, who may be HEP, is bored. Their brain is busy processing ideas several steps ahead of what’s being taught. It’s not a lack of attention—it’s a surplus of thought.
To confuse matters more, both children may struggle to follow instructions, complete tasks without reminders, or keep their emotions in check. Boredom in HEP children can often generate disruptive behavior that looks a lot like ADHD.
Emotional Intensity vs. Emotional Dysregulation
One of the most telling signs lies in how your child handles emotions. HEP children tend to feel a lot. Their emotional radar is turned up high, and they often connect deeply with stories, animals, or people. They may cry at what seems minor to others or feel overwhelmed by injustice or sadness. But they process this intensity with rich inner lives.
Children with ADHD often struggle with emotional regulation. They may lash out when frustrated, go from happy to enraged in seconds, and often have trouble slowing their emotional reactions. The difference lies in whether the emotion stems from overwhelming internal processing (HEP) or from poor executive control (ADHD).
Common Pitfalls in Misidentification
Many HEP children are misdiagnosed with ADHD simply because their giftedness is not immediately obvious. They may underperform at school due to lack of interest, or seem disengaged because the material isn’t challenging. Conversely, some children with ADHD are thought to be gifted because they exhibit bursts of creativity or intense focus on activities they enjoy.
Parents can help by observing when their child struggles. Is it only when the topic is boring or repetitive? Or is it regardless of the subject? Does your child hyperfocus on topics they love, or do they struggle consistently across the board? The answers can offer important clues.
What You Can Do: Support Without Labels
While waiting for a proper evaluation—ideally by a multidisciplinary team—it can help to focus on strategies that support your child’s strengths, regardless of label.
For example, if your child learns best through auditory channels—perhaps they thrive when listening to stories during car rides or absorb more through listening than reading—consider turning written lessons into audio formats. Some tools even personalize the content by making the child the central hero of an adventure, like a story tailored to include their first name, voice style, and school subject. This approach can help both HEP and ADHD learners feel more engaged—apps like Skuli make this kind of personalized learning as simple as snapping a photo of the lesson.
Encourage your child’s curiosity. If they go down rabbit holes about astronomy, music theory, or insects, go there with them. Yes, even if it derails the homework. Their learning isn’t linear—and that’s okay. There are tools and learning approaches designed for children like yours who don’t fit a typical mold.
Don’t Forget the Emotional Side
Both ADHD and HEP children often wrestle with feelings of difference, inadequacy, or frustration. Make time to tend to the emotional garden. Reflective chats before bedtime, journaling together, or even co-reading a book that mirrors their experience can open surprising doors. Here is a list of books that resonate especially with HEP kids, but many can also help children with ADHD understand themselves better.
If your child often says things like “I don’t belong” or “no one gets me,” they may be quietly struggling with their identity. In that case, helping them make friends and connect with like-minded peers can become a crucial part of their social-emotional development. Likewise, focus on cultivating their sense of self-worth rather than trying to fix them.
A Final Thought for the Road
Whatever the diagnosis—or even in the absence of one—it’s important to remember that your child’s struggles do not define who they are. You don’t need to rush into labels. Your most powerful tool remains your deep connection with them, your attention to their experiences, and your willingness to explore both their challenges and their brilliance.
In the end, whether they are HEP, ADHD, or some blend of both, they are still your child. Unique. Sensitive. And deeply worthy of being understood.