How to Tell If Your Child Is Struggling in School
Why It's So Easy to Miss the Signs
You're juggling so many things—school drop-offs, your own work responsibilities, dinner prep, managing screen time, and maybe even a younger sibling in diapers. You want your child to thrive in school, but it's not always clear when something’s wrong. Unlike physical illnesses, academic struggles often don’t come with a rash or a fever. Instead, they show up quietly—in subtle shifts in behavior, casual comments, or a growing resistance to homework that’s easy to write off as typical kid moodiness.
But here’s the truth many parents discover too late: By the time a child says "I hate school," they’ve likely been struggling for a while. So how can you spot those early signs before they escalate into deeper frustration, anxiety, or total disengagement?
When School Stress Shows Up at Home
One mother I spoke with told me about her 8-year-old son, Ezra. He’d always been energetic and mildly resistant to homework, but lately, she noticed he was unusually quiet after school. He would drag his feet when it was time to do his work, and when she asked about his day, he often muttered, “I don’t remember.” It wasn’t until his teacher mentioned in passing that Ezra had stopped participating in class discussions that the pieces clicked. Unfortunately, by then, his confidence had taken a hit.
Kids don't always say “I'm struggling.” Sometimes they say:
- “I'm bad at this.”
- “I just don’t care.”
- “School is boring.”
- “Everyone else gets it but me.”
These phrases often signal discouragement, not laziness. Learning how to interpret such emotional breadcrumbs is key to stepping in early and effectively.
Emotional Clues, Not Just Academic Ones
When we think our child might be struggling in school, we usually look for the classic signs: poor grades, missing assignments, or notes from the teacher. While these are valid indicators, emotional and behavioral shifts can reveal trouble far earlier—if we know what to watch for. Here are some common patterns I’ve helped parents recognize:
1. Avoidance of school-related tasks: Not just resistance, but active avoidance. Maybe your child spends way too long sharpening pencils or keeps "forgetting" their homework at school.
2. Emotional imbalance after school: Frequent tearfulness, irritability, or unexplained shutdowns during the evening can be signs of pent-up stress from the school day.
3. Physical complaints with no clear cause: Headaches, stomachaches, or feeling sick in the morning can sometimes be emotional distress in disguise.
When Mistakes Feel Like Crushed Confidence
If your child starts believing that being wrong means they’re not smart, you could be seeing a mindset issue that’s eroding their willingness to try. This is especially common in kids who’ve internalized that school is about being right instead of learning through effort. In these cases, simple mistakes become personal failures. One way to shift this narrative is to talk about how to turn mistakes into learning opportunities. Normalize setbacks. Let them know everyone struggles, even you.
Adjusting the Environment: Start Small, Think Warm
It's tempting to jump right to solutions—tutors, after-school programs, weekend workbooks—but sometimes all your child really needs is to feel understood and supported. Before you try to fix the academics, work on the environment. Is your after-school routine helping or hurting? Creating a consistent, low-pressure space for homework can shift everything. Here’s a helpful guide on setting up an after-school review routine that actually works with your child’s energy levels, not against them.
Listening Beyond the Words
Children often struggle silently because they don't have the words to express what’s happening. Your child might not say “I’m confused by fractions,” but they might ask you to sit with them during math, drag their shoes every time it's time for school, or crack jokes to cover up their confusion.
I worked with a dad whose daughter, Lily, stopped writing in her school journal. When he asked why, she said, “I don’t have anything to say.” But with some patient digging, he learned she was embarrassed by her spelling. Once they started listening to stories together during the drive to school—stories that secretly contained spelling and vocabulary lessons—she began to feel more confident. (One way parents are doing this now is by using the Sculi App, which turns written lessons into personalized audio adventures—your child is even the hero in the story. A small change like this can create trust and positive association with learning again.)
Rethinking Motivation
When kids start slipping behind, their motivation naturally drops—especially if they start to identify as "the slow one" or "the kid who always needs help." They might act like they don’t care, but the truth is usually the opposite. They care so much that it's painful to try and fail again. This article on why kids seem unmotivated at school explores how loss of skill can lead to loss of heart—and what parents can do to rebuild both.
Bringing Joy and Confidence Back
Above all, your role isn’t just to coach your child through hard subjects—it’s to help them feel safe and capable again. Before improvement on a test score comes the whisper of a little voice saying, "Maybe I can do this." Bring play back into learning, turn study time into reconnecting time, and remember that you don’t need all the answers. Start by making your home a place that celebrates effort more than results. Here’s how to maintain a positive atmosphere around homework, even on tired Tuesday nights.
Slow down. Listen deeply. And remind your child often that learning isn’t about perfection—it’s about being brave enough to keep trying.