How to Support Two Siblings When One Has ADHD

The Invisible Balancing Act Between Siblings

"Why does my brother always get more attention?" That's what Sarah heard one evening from her 9-year-old daughter, Olivia, who had just watched—for the fifth time that week—her younger brother have a meltdown over homework. Olivia is a considerate, patient child, but she's also human. And in homes where one child has ADHD and the other does not, these moments of imbalance, confusion, or even quiet resentment are not uncommon.

As a parent, supporting a child with ADHD is a full-time emotional and logistical job. But what often goes unnoticed is the equally urgent need to support their sibling, who may appear self-sufficient but can feel overlooked or overwhelmed in their own way. Managing this dynamic isn’t about offering equal attention—it’s about ensuring each child gets what they truly need.

Understanding ADHD Without Making It the Center of Everything

One of the trickiest parts of parenting two children, only one of whom has ADHD, is making sure the diagnosis doesn’t dominate every aspect of your family life. It’s tempting to let the needs of the child with ADHD guide daily routines. After all, their emotional regulation challenges, executive function issues, and frequent forgetfulness are urgent and hard to ignore.

But children notice. They notice if discipline is inconsistent between siblings. They notice if praise is handed out unequally. And they notice if one sibling has repeated 'passes' while they themselves are held to a different standard. Learning to navigate emotional regulation together as a family helps put every child on similar footing, emphasizing fairness over sameness.

It’s okay to talk about ADHD in age-appropriate ways. In fact, it’s important. Explaining what ADHD is and how it affects behavior gives the sibling context and fosters empathy—but remember, knowledge must be paired with actions that restore balance.

Creating Individual Space for Each Child

You may find yourself parenting in two directions. Your neurodivergent child may need structure, flexibility, and creative learning tools. Your neurotypical child may quietly crave uninterrupted time, deeper conversations, or different responsibilities. The key is to not treat either child as the 'easy one' or the 'challenging one.' Everyone’s needs are real.

Here’s what can help:

• Special time: Carve out one-on-one time with each child every week—even just 15 minutes of focused attention doing something they love.
• Shared planning: Involve both kids in planning parts of the day or week. Let them suggest routines, take part in decisions, or choose family activities.
• Validation: When things spiral around your child with ADHD, offer moments of validation to your other child: "This is hard for you, too. I see your patience, and I’m proud of you."

Rethinking Learning and Homework Support

If you’re parenting a child with ADHD, you already know that homework can turn into a battlefield. But what happens when two children have wildly different academic needs? One might whip through math worksheets, the other struggles to start the first question. Or maybe reading time becomes disrupted by outbursts because of frustration or overstimulation.

Instead of forcing both kids to work in the same way, think of learning as a customizable process. Allow for different tools, spaces, and paces. One surprising way families manage this is by adding playful structure—tools that combine consistency with novelty. For example, turning a written science lesson into an audio adventure where your child becomes the hero—using their own name—can make them feel engaged and capable. The Skuli app lets you do this in seconds using a photo of the lesson. While this child listens and learns on a car ride or while doodling, you’re free to work on multiplication flashcards or reading comprehension with their sibling. It’s like being in two places at once—without splitting yourself in half.

Trying to force two kids into the same mold rarely works. Let differences in learning style be something you celebrate, not correct.

The Quiet Stress: When the Neurotypical Child Starts to Struggle

There's an overlooked risk in these households: the sibling without ADHD begins to show signs of stress. Maybe they overachieve, becoming little parents or perfectionists. Maybe they withdraw into screens. Or maybe, they begin acting out in subtle ways to gain attention.

This is when check-ins become vital. Set aside time to talk with your child—not just about school, but about their feelings being part of this family dynamic. They might not have the vocabulary for it yet, but questions like “What’s something you wish I knew?” or “When do you feel happiest during our week?” can bring out surprising insights.

Also, don’t assume that a child’s calm demeanor means they’re unaffected. Inattentive challenges or emotional burden can be easy to miss in quiet kids.

Finding Your Family Groove

There’s no perfect way to juggle the needs of two very different children, but don’t underestimate the power of understanding, adaptation, and rest—yes, even yours. What works for your family may look different than anyone else’s. That’s okay.

Our best advice? Keep experimenting. Try new homework environments. Find moments of joy and small wins. Question assumptions. And revisit what balance looks like often—it evolves as your kids grow and change.

And if you’re wondering how screens play into all this, especially with a child sensitive to overstimulation? You might appreciate this piece on managing screen time and ADHD.

Your family is not broken—it’s just learning how to move together in rhythm. And with a bit of creativity and compassion, that rhythm can become your superpower.