How to Nurture Self-Esteem in a Gifted (HPI) Child

Why High Potential Doesn't Always Mean Confidence

When your child is identified as HPI (high intellectual potential), you may feel both pride and relief—finally, an explanation for all those big questions, that intense sensitivity, and the curiosity that just doesn’t stop. But many parents of gifted children are caught off guard when, despite their extraordinary abilities, their child struggles with low self-esteem.

It’s a paradox, isn't it? A child who reads ahead of their grade, solves puzzles quickly, or asks deep, philosophical questions—but still doubts their worth or becomes deeply discouraged by the smallest mistake. As a parent, this can be heartbreaking to witness, especially when you're doing your best to support them.

Understanding the Root of Low Self-Esteem in Gifted Kids

Gifted children are often perfectionists. They want to get everything right the first time, and when they don't—when spelling is tricky, or handwriting doesn’t look as tidy as they imagined—they can internalize the experience as failure. Add to that a heightened emotional sensitivity, and their academic challenges can quickly become personal battles.

They may also feel different from their peers or struggle to connect with others their age. This sense of being “out of sync” can isolate them and leave them doubting their social worth, even in loving environments.

What Self-Esteem Looks Like in Everyday Moments

Self-esteem isn’t something a child simply “has” or doesn’t have. It’s expressed in small, daily ways. A child with healthy self-esteem might confidently admit they don’t know something and be okay learning it. A child with low self-esteem might hide their struggles, lash out when corrected, or give up quickly.

One parent I worked with described her 9-year-old daughter, Sophie, as furious whenever she made a mistake. “She’ll crumble completely over an incorrect answer in math,” she said. “It’s not about the math for her—it’s about feeling like she’s not enough.”

Helping Your Child Reframe Mistakes and Challenges

Many gifted children equate success with self-worth. So, when they fail—even slightly—they question their entire identity. That’s why one of the most powerful tools you can give your child is the ability to reframe challenges not as threats, but as opportunities to grow.

Start by being transparent about your own missteps. Share times you struggled, moments that didn't go to plan, and what you learned as a result. These stories humanize the learning process and can shift your child’s understanding of what it means to be “smart.”

Let your child hear that effort matters. Praise their strategies, persistence, and kindness—not just correct answers or perfect reports. When they face a frustrating subject, use tools that feel empowering instead of overwhelming. For example, some families decrease homework frustration by turning textbook lessons into customized quizzes with the Skuli App, helping their child focus in fun, bite-sized ways that promote confidence, rather than anxiety.

Create Moments of Mastery—Beyond the Classroom

Many gifted kids define themselves too narrowly—as their grades, their report cards, or their academic successes. But self-esteem is broader than academic skill. Kids need varied opportunities to feel capable and appreciated.

Encourage exploration outside of school—arts, sports, coding, theater. Let them try things where success isn’t measured in numbers, but in joy or progress. If your child is HPI and hasn’t found their “thing” yet, consider which sports might align with a gifted child’s temperament and energy.

Success in any domain—writing a poem, learning to juggle, helping a younger sibling—can reinforce the message: "You are good at many things, and you don’t have to be perfect to matter."

Let Them Be the Hero of Their Own Story

Gifted children often respond deeply to stories—especially the ones where they can see themselves overcoming challenges. One mother told me how her son, who struggles with reading fluency, started asking for the same story every evening after she began using personalized audio tales on their car rides. He loved that his own name was part of the narrative—he wasn’t just listening, he was the hero. These moments weren’t just entertaining—they were transformative. They shifted how he saw himself: not as slow or "different,” but as brave and capable.

If your child is a listener rather than a reader, explore ways to bring their lessons to life audibly—like turning a history chapter into an audio adventure. This isn’t about replacing reading; it’s about making learning emotionally positive. When children feel respected in how they learn, they feel more confident in what they learn. More insights about this approach are available in our guide on how gifted children often learn differently.

Strengthen the Relationship, Not Just the Performance

No amount of praise or resources can substitute the anchor of a strong parent-child relationship. Your belief in them—even on their worst days—is the foundation on which their self-esteem will grow.

Take time outside the world of grades and goals. Play silly board games. Cook a meal together. Walk and talk—no pressure, no agenda. These moments remind your child they’re loved not for their brain, but simply for being themselves.

If your child is starting to distance themselves from school altogether, you may also want to read what to do when a gifted child begins to lose motivation or fail academically.

Final Reflections: Growth Is Quiet But Powerful

Boosting your HPI child’s self-esteem isn't about grand gestures—it’s about small, consistent signs that you see them, value them, and believe in their ability to grow. Some days, that will mean holding space for their tears. Other days, it’s about celebrating a challenge they dared to face—even if the result wasn't perfect.

And as they grow, step by step, they'll begin to internalize a more lasting truth: "I am more than my intellect. I am whole, I am learning, and I am enough."

For more ideas on fostering emotional independence, you might explore our article on raising autonomous HPI children.