How to Navigate Sibling Relationships When One Child Is Emotionally Gifted (HPE)

When One Child Feels Everything More Deeply

Parenting a child with high emotional potential (HPE) can feel like learning a new language—one of intense feelings, deep questions, and profound sensitivities. But when that child is part of a sibling dynamic, things can get even trickier. How do you balance their emotional needs without making their siblings feel overlooked? How do you explain tears over seemingly small things, or why one child seems to need more of your emotional bandwidth?

These are the questions I hear most from parents juggling emotionally gifted kids and their more typical siblings. You’re not alone if you feel like you’re constantly playing referee, therapist, and teacher all in one.

It’s Not About Fairness, It’s About Equity

One of the first hurdles parents confront is the sense that the HPE child is taking up “more space.” Maybe they meltdown after school while their sibling wants to play, or they need quiet time when the rest of the house feels energetic. Their demands can be unintentionally dramatic, and that can shift the family’s entire tone.

Instead of aiming for equal parenting, aim for equitable parenting. That means giving each child what they uniquely need—not the same thing at the same time. A sensitive HPE child might require space and emotional regulation strategies, while their sibling might need clear boundaries and reassurance that their needs still matter.

One mom I spoke to started using a simple phrase with her two boys: “Fair isn’t always equal.” She would say it gently every time she needed to spend more time helping her older HPE son decompress after school. Eventually, the younger sibling became more understanding. He even started bringing his brother a glass of water after tough homework days—tiny signs of empathy developing.

Give Siblings a Framework for Understanding HPE

We wouldn’t expect a child to understand diabetes or dyslexia without some age-appropriate explanation. It’s the same for emotional intensity. It’s okay—and often helpful—to talk to your other children about what being HPE means.

Use simple language: "Your sister feels things really deeply. When she’s excited, it’s like fireworks in her chest. And when she’s upset, it’s like a rainstorm that she can't stop right away." These metaphors help kids develop compassion instead of resentment.

Consider reading more about the emotional needs of HPE children, and then adapt what you learn to share with all your kids. When siblings understand that their brother or sister isn’t trying to be “difficult,” it can shift the family dynamic dramatically.

Protect Moments of Connection With Each Child

The child with HPE often demands a lot, but their sibling quietly needs you just as much. It’s easy to unconsciously spend more time de-escalating intense emotions and less time laughing, playing, or chatting with your other child.

Even 10–15 minutes of uninterrupted time can restore your connection with the non-HPE sibling. Think of simple rituals: walking the dog together, doing a bedtime doodle, riding bikes around the block. These moments tell your child: “I see you too.”

It's also okay to let technology support you here. For example, when parents are short on time but want to keep an HPE child engaged while tending to another, some use tools like the Skuli App, which converts a lesson into a personalized audio adventure where the child stars in their own learning story. While one child is absorbing a math concept through narrative storytelling—on their own, in the car, or even snuggled in a blanket—you can use that window to build back connection with their sibling.

Name the Complex Emotions—All of Them

Jealousy, frustration, guilt—siblings might feel all of these at once when one of them seems more demanding or emotionally intense than the other. Invite those emotions into the light by naming them without judgment:

• “I wonder if it’s hard when your brother gets more attention at bedtime?”
• “You were really patient during your sister’s big feelings—how are you feeling now?”

By giving space to the sibling’s emotional experience, you permit them to feel ‘big’ in the family too. For inspiration on how to help your HPE child recognize and regulate their own emotions—skills that naturally ease sibling tension—have a look at this guide to managing emotional outbursts.

Foster Shared Activities—but Not Forced Ones

Siblings don’t automatically have shared interests, and in the case of a child with HPE, their sensitivities may make some group activities difficult. One child wants to rollerblade through puddles; the other melts down because their socks are wet.

Instead of forcing playdates, focus on thin threads of common ground. Art projects can work well—each child can create in parallel at their comfort level. Short board games with clear rules also help structure interactions and minimize meltdowns. You might also enjoy learning why playful learning works so well for emotionally gifted children and how it can unite siblings in joyful discovery.

Love Them Differently, Openly, and Fully

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to raising siblings in an HPE family. Some days will be noisy with clashing rhythms. Other days, you’ll witness surprising tenderness between them—a quiet hand squeeze, a shared giggle over a math mistake.

Above all, let your children know two things: that love isn’t a pie (more for one doesn’t mean less for the other), and that being different—emotionally, cognitively, or in energy level—is something you’re learning to embrace as a family.

And on days when the emotional rollercoaster feels too steep, revisit what it means to nurture autonomy in each of your children. You can read more about that in this piece on supporting independent growth in HPE children. Autonomy for one often creates breathing space for the whole sibling dynamic to grow in healthier directions.