How to Lighten the Mental Load of Parents with Kids in Primary School

When Loving Your Child Feels Like an Endless To-Do List

If you’re reading this with heavy eyes and a mind full of reminders — spelling test on Friday, permission slip due tomorrow, did we charge the iPad? — you’re not alone. The mental load of parenting a child in primary school can feel like another full-time job, except there’s no office to leave at the end of the day.

You might have pictured school-age parenting as a season of slowly regaining time and freedom. Instead, it’s permission slips, homework packets, forgotten lunch boxes, parent portals, behavior charts, and endless worries that come and go before you’ve had your coffee. And for parents of kids who struggle, it’s even heavier: meltdown-filled evenings, academic anxiety, and the constant pressure of trying to help without knowing how.

The Invisible Work We Carry

Mental load isn’t just about a long to-do list. It’s the weight of always remembering — remembering what the teacher said at pick-up, the snack rotation schedule, where your child left their math book, and how anxious they get about reading aloud in front of the class.

It’s remembering that your child learns better when things are explained visually, but not remembering how to explain fractions in visual terms after a long workday. It’s feeling responsible for not just what they do, but how they feel about it.

For parents of neurodivergent children or kids with learning difficulties, this load can feel like a mountain. One mom once summed it up during a conversation: “I feel like I carry their entire school day in my brain, just to keep them functioning at home.”

So how do we make space to breathe — to feel like ourselves again, while still showing up for our kids the way we want to?

You Don’t Have to Do It All — Especially Not Alone

Start by releasing yourself from the illusion that being a good parent means doing everything alone. The modern parenting culture still whispers that outsourcing, delegating, or leaning on tools equals failure. But there is no award for exhaustion.

Instead, think of the tools and systems you build as part of your caregiving. When you use a voice note reminder instead of remembering everything, that’s not laziness — it’s sustainability. When you sign up for the math app your child actually enjoys, that’s wisdom, not weakness.

One real example I love: a dad from our parenting group whose daughter hated reviewing spelling words. She froze every time he quizzed her. Instead of insisting, he snapped a picture of her list, uploaded it into a tool that generated custom quizzes, and let that lead the charge. Suddenly, spelling became a game. She giggled her way through questions, and he got ten minutes to clean up dinner in peace. (That tool was Skuli, by the way — an app that turns written lessons into kid-friendly review sessions, audio adventures, and more — available now on iOS and Android.)

He didn’t just free up his time. He rediscovered joy in supporting her learning.

If this kind of shift feels hopeful, you might also enjoy this guide to handling homework when you're totally exhausted.

Build a Routine That Respects Everyone’s Energy

Instead of building your after-school rhythm around what your child’s teacher wants, build it around what your family can reasonably sustain. Some families do best with homework right after snack. Others need an hour of movement first. Some kids learn best in silence. Others retain more information listening to their lesson turned into audio — maybe during car rides or bathtime.

What matters is knowing what works for your child and what doesn’t burn you out in the process. Ask yourself: Are we trying to squeeze too many high-effort things into evenings that are already depleted?

And if so, what can be pared back, passed on, or made more engaging?

Consider this: if it takes you 40 minutes of coaxing and four tantrums to get through a worksheet every night, and everyone begins to dread it — what would it mean to replace some of that with a narrated story where your child is the hero solving math problems in space, using their actual name? (Yes, that’s a thing now.)

If this idea intrigues you, you might also like our article on making reviews feel less overwhelming.

You Deserve Off-Hours Too

Here’s a radical idea: parents need evenings, weekends, and mental space just like kids need recess. When every moment becomes teaching, guiding, coaching, checking — no wonder you feel depleted. You are not failing. You are overloaded.

Carving out breaks doesn’t make you a neglectful parent. It makes you a sustainable one. It models healthy boundaries for your child. If your child can self-review with a guided tool while you lie on the couch for 20 minutes, that is not a shortcut. That is wisdom. That is survival.

If you’re craving more ideas like this, read Too Tired to Help With Homework? Real Alternatives for Burned-Out Parents.

Compassion First — For Yourself

No parenting app, article, or planner will ever undo the immense responsibility we carry. But compassion — real, deep, honest compassion — can ease how we experience it. Instead of asking, “Why can’t I get it all done?” — ask, “What do we both need to feel calmer tonight?”

Sometimes that answer will be quiet reading aloud under a blanket. Sometimes it will be leaning on a tool or system that helps your child feel seen and engaged — without demanding so much from you. Sometimes it means saying no to one more meeting or expectation at school.

You are allowed to be human. Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent — they need a present, honest one. And it’s okay if that means finding creative, tech-assisted, or story-fueled ways to make learning feel lighter — for both of you.

Need even more breathing room? Browse these simple strategies for a lighter daily life, crafted with real families like yours in mind.