How to Know If Your Child Is Struggling with Homework

That uneasy feeling something’s off

You’re watching your child again tonight—head down, pencil tapping, pages flipping—and something doesn’t feel right. Maybe it's the way they sigh as they look at their math worksheet or how they suddenly need another snack... or to clean the closet... or anything but finishing their homework.

If you’re here, chances are you suspect your child might be struggling with homework, even if they’re not saying it out loud. And you’re not alone. Many bright, curious kids between ages 6 and 12 hit a wall when it comes to homework—and the clues aren’t always obvious.

What struggle really looks like—it’s not always tears

We often imagine that if a child is struggling, they’ll cry, yell, or outright refuse to do the work. But difficulty with homework shows up in quieter ways too. Here are a few signs to be on the lookout for:

• Prolonged homework time: What should take 20 minutes is dragging into two hours. Your child may be overly slow not out of laziness, but because they’re confused or unsure where to begin.
• Sudden change in mood after school: They're fine when they walk in the door, but the moment it’s homework time, their mood shifts. They become irritable, distracted, or withdrawn.
• Avoidance with creativity: They suddenly "forget" their homework more often. Or have a dozen brilliant distractions—water break, rearranging pens, finding the right playlist—before settling down (if at all).

One mom I coached told me her daughter would ask to read for hours, but never get to her spelling words. "She’s not lazy," the mom insisted, "She just panics and gets stuck." And that’s exactly it. Often, the issue isn’t lack of desire—it’s lack of tools.

Why it’s hard for them to tell you what’s wrong

At this age, kids are still learning how to connect the dots between feelings and behavior. They may not say, “I feel overwhelmed by this word problem.” Instead, they may act out or shut down. Homework becomes a battlefield not because of defiance, but because they don’t yet have the language—or confidence—to ask for help.

It’s also a pride thing. Around age 8, children begin to care deeply about how competent they seem. If they used to breeze through assignments but now things feel hard, they may feel ashamed. To them, admitting “I don’t get this” feels like failing—not just the assignment, but themselves.

How to gently uncover what’s going on

The goal isn’t to get an instant confession but to create conditions where your child feels safe enough to share.

Start with curiosity, not correction. Swap questions like, "Why haven’t you started your homework yet?" with, "Was there anything tricky at school today?" or “How do you feel when you look at that worksheet?”

Make homework feel like less of a test. Some parents have found relief by adjusting the study environment—a cozy reading nook rather than a formal desk, or permission to draw out a math problem rather than solve it silently.

One easy shift? Turn their schoolwork into a fun, interactive format. Some parents use tools like the Skuli App (available on iOS and Android), which can turn a photo of the lesson into a personalized 20-question quiz or even an audio story where the child is the hero. This gives kids a sense of agency, especially if they learn better through sound or story.

What if it’s more than just a “bad day”?

Pay attention to patterns. Everyone has off-days, but if you’re noticing struggle several times a week over a few months, it may be time to dig deeper.

You might ask the teacher how your child is doing in class. Do they participate? Do they seem confident? Teachers often see things we don’t—from confusion in silent reading to difficulty staying on task during group work.

If the struggle seems linked to executive functioning (i.e., organizing, planning, remembering steps), you’re not alone. Many 6-12 year olds are still developing these skills. It might be helpful to read about homework procrastination and ways to help your child build momentum gently.

Reframing the goal: it’s not about perfection

The ultimate goal isn’t to have a child who finishes every worksheet flawlessly—it’s to help them engage with the process. To try. To stumble. And to feel safe asking for help.

That means resisting the urge to rescue them mid-assignment. Instead, stay close and curious. If they’re stuck, ask what part is unclear rather than jumping in with the answer. If they finish something well, celebrate the effort, not the grade.

In the long run, you’re helping plant seeds of resilience. One strategy is to build their independence slowly, encouraging self-reflection and giving them more say in how they approach their tasks.

No shame, just collaboration

If you’ve been getting frustrated lately, know that it’s okay to feel that way. Homework can become emotionally charged for families, especially when days are long and sleep is short.

But what matters is getting back to collaboration. Frame it as something you’re figuring out together. Try phrases like, “Let’s figure out a way this makes more sense to you,” or “What would make this less frustrating?”

And if you sense that the after-school hours are simply too much, consider how you can minimize the meltdowns after school with routines that allow for rest, snacks, and downtime before diving into academics again.

Keep your eyes open, and your heart gentler

Detecting difficulty with homework isn’t about catching your child doing something wrong. It’s about noticing where they’re caught and helping untangle the thread. With empathy, creativity, and steady support, you’ll both learn what they need to succeed—and maybe even bring a little joy back into the learning process.