How to Help Your Child Embrace Mistakes at School and Build Confidence

When mistakes feel like failure

Your child spills tears over a wrong answer. Crumples homework when they can’t find the solution. Says, “I’m just stupid,” with unshakable conviction. If those moments sound familiar, you're not alone. Many parents of children aged 6 to 12 know the heartbreak of watching their child equate mistakes with failure—or worse, with their self-worth.

Today’s school environments often emphasize achievement over process. There’s a reward for being right, for finishing first, for earning the highest score. And for a child who’s naturally anxious, sensitive, or already struggling academically, this can create a deep fear of being wrong—especially in front of others. That fear can keep them silent in class, hesitant to try, or emotionally overwhelmed by homework.

So how can you help your child not just cope with their mistakes, but actually use them as moments of growth? It starts with reshaping how they understand what it means to “get it wrong.”

Rewriting the story of mistakes

Children absorb more from what we do than what we say. If a harmless mistake—mixing up spelling words or getting a math answer wrong—gets an intense reaction from us or from teachers, the message is clear: mistakes are bad. To shift this narrative, we need to normalize getting things wrong as part of learning.

Try narrating your own slip-ups at home: “Oops, I forgot to buy carrots! Oh well, next time I’ll make a list.” Or talk through how you fix small errors: “That email came out all wrong, but I sent a follow-up explaining. Sometimes we just need a redo.”

This kind of modeling shows children that errors are not endpoints—they're beginnings. They’re not reflections of worth; they’re moments of feedback.

When shame blocks learning

For some children, especially those with perfectionist tendencies or low academic confidence, even small school mistakes can spark massive emotional responses. A child may shut down, refuse to talk about school, or say they hate it altogether.

These are often signs of a deeper fear: being judged. Whether by peers or teachers, the fear of public mistakes can be paralyzing. We’ve written more deeply about this fear here, but in short: your child isn’t being “dramatic”—they’re protecting themselves.

Your job isn’t to eliminate the possibility of mistakes, but to create safe spaces for them. That might mean:

• Letting them redo difficult homework without penalty at home
• Celebrating wrong answers as much as right ones (“You tried a new way—that’s how scientists learn!”)
• Advocating gently with teachers about tone when correcting your child

It also helps to emotionally prepare them for mistakes before they happen. In calm moments, tell stories of people they admire who failed before they succeeded—from athletes to inventors to artists. Mistakes, repeated and learned from, are the path to mastery.

Making room for self-compassion

Often we focus so much on academics, we forget how important emotional resilience is to a child’s ability to learn. Teaching them to show kindness toward themselves when things go wrong is one of the greatest gifts you can give.

When your child messes up, resist the urge to jump into solutions right away. Instead, reflect their emotions: “That felt really frustrating, didn’t it?” Then, ask: “What would you say to a friend who made the same mistake?” Children often give themselves far harsher commentary than they’d offer to others. This gentle reframe opens the door for self-compassion.

And over time, self-compassion builds trust in one’s ability to learn—not based on success, but on persistence and care.

Turning mistakes into playful learning opportunities

Kids learn best when they feel emotionally safe—and even better when they’re engaged or having fun. If your child is dreading schoolwork because they’re afraid of being wrong, you might want to experiment with new formats that feel less like tests and more like games or stories.

Some families have used tools that allow kids to review lessons in creative ways. For example, there are apps that transform the content of a lesson—even just a photo of a textbook page—into audio adventures where your child is the main character, learning through the storyline. One parent told me that their daughter, who used to cry over science homework, now begs for her “spaceship quiz missions.” A tool like Skuli offers those kinds of transformations, making mistakes feel like puzzles rather than punishments.

When learning is playful, it removes the sting of being wrong. Suddenly, there’s curiosity, choice, and momentum. And a child who’s curious is more resilient in the face of difficulty.

Helping your child build long-term confidence

Learning to embrace mistakes is one part of the larger puzzle of confidence. Many kids who struggle with schoolwork or performance fear aren’t upset about the task—they’re scared of what failing says about who they are. That’s why it’s key to build resilience to criticism, offer praise that sees effort instead of outcome, and notice their strengths outside school, too.

Encouraging hobbies, like drawing or sports, can also help. As we explore in this article on sport and self-esteem, physical activities provide kids with plenty of opportunities to try, fail, try again—and see progress over time. These embodied experiences of failure leading to success are enormously powerful.

Finally, don’t forget to recognize when your child is pushing through that discomfort. A small voice raised in class. A hard math problem attempted. A mistake shared and recovered from. These are bold acts of courage, and they deserve your quiet applause, even if no one else sees them.

Because every mistake is a step forward

You’re not just helping your child with school—you’re helping them build the tools they’ll carry into adulthood. Mistakes, when safely explored, teach humility, perseverance, creativity, and grit. We all want to raise kids who can face setbacks without losing themselves. And the path to that kind of strength is paved with a thousand “oops” and “try agains.”

For more support around school-related confidence issues, you might find this reflection helpful: Is my child struggling with homework alone because of low confidence?