How to Help a Child Who Feels Misunderstood by Their Teachers

When school becomes a lonely place

You're watching your child come home from school with slumped shoulders, eyes heavy from holding in their tears, telling you once again, "They just don't get me." It's devastating. You try to piece together what went wrong this time—was it the way they answered in class? Did they forget something again? Or was it simply that no one took the time to understand how they learn?

When a child feels misunderstood by their teachers, it penetrates deeper than any bad grade. It touches their sense of self. They start to question whether they’re smart, whether trying even matters, and whether school is a place they can feel safe. For parents, the helplessness can be overwhelming. But there is hope—and steps you can take.

Start by listening to the whole story

Children rarely spell out exactly what’s wrong. Instead, you’ll hear fragments—"Madame told me I wasn’t listening," or "He said I didn’t try hard enough." What lies beneath could be a teacher not recognizing a learning difficulty, a mismatch in communication styles, or a child who processes information differently than their peers.

Instead of rushing to fix the problem, let your child unfold the story. Ask curious, open-ended questions: “What happened after that?” or “How did that make you feel?” Even if the events sound minor to you, they may have carried a huge emotional weight for your child. Feeling heard at home is the first step to healing school-related wounds.

Understand what your child needs to thrive

Some children need more movement, more repetition, or more processing time than traditional classrooms offer. Others may be highly sensitive, and feel stung by scolding or sarcasm more intensely than others. If this sounds familiar, you may want to read about highly sensitive children and how they experience the school environment.

Recognizing the mismatch doesn’t mean blaming teachers—or your child. It means becoming their interpreter. When you understand whether your child learns best by listening, drawing, or moving, you can begin to build a bridge between their needs and their learning environment.

Communicate with the school—without confrontation

It’s easy to go into parent-teacher meetings ready for battle. But often, teachers are unaware of how your child feels, or even that their style didn’t land well. Calmly sharing observations rather than accusations opens the door to collaboration:

• “I’ve noticed my child feels anxious when called out in front of the class. Is there a way to give feedback more privately?”
• “She told me she was trying hard during the math lesson, but felt embarrassed when called 'lazy.' Could we explore strategies to help her show her effort differently?”

Sometimes, the tension reflects a deeper need for accommodations. If you believe your child might benefit from a personalized education plan but the school resists, here’s what to do when the school refuses a PPS or PAP.

Rebuild confidence from the outside in

Your child may start avoiding subjects or refusing to do homework, not because they’re “lazy,” but because they fear failing again. In these moments, avoid piling on pressure. Shift focus from performance to progress.

Find small ways to help your child reconnect with learning on their own terms. For example, if they find reading instructions on paper overwhelming, listen to content together—perhaps on the ride to school or during downtime at home. There are resources, like Skuli (available on iOS and Android), that let you turn written lessons into engaging audio adventures—where your child is the hero, using their own first name. This simple twist helps reframe learning from something that brings shame to something that feels empowering and fun.

Listening to a familiar math lesson while hearing "Ethan entered the cave and solved the riddle by dividing 72 by 8" can do wonders for a child's confidence. The goal isn't to replace the classroom, but to rekindle motivation.

When your child’s needs are being ignored

There may come a time when you realize the school isn’t adapting, even after open dialogue and attempts to find solutions. If your gut tells you that your child isn’t just misunderstood, but unsupported, it’s worth reading our guide on what to do when the school doesn't step up.

You are not overreacting. You are advocating. And that can be life-changing.

Help your child believe in their own voice again

Children who feel chronically misunderstood often doubt their ability to express themselves. You can gently coach them in how to name what they need, in small steps. For instance:

• “It helps when people give me more time to answer.”
• “Sometimes I don’t get it the first way, but I can learn if it’s explained differently.”

These are courageous things for a child to say to an adult—but practicing them with you builds communication muscles. And when teachers see your child trying to explain themselves, many will meet them with more care.

To explore more support options and your rights as a parent, read our article on how to advocate for your child’s right to an adapted education.

You’re not alone in this journey

A child feeling misunderstood at school is not a rare event—but it’s a deeply painful one. You are not failing your child because this is hard. In fact, your empathy, your ability to hold space for their feelings, and your willingness to take action already makes you their most powerful ally.

For further guidance on helping your child feel seen, you might also explore our reflection on what to do when your child feels misunderstood at school.

The road ahead might be bumpy, but with curiosity, compassion, and creative tools, you and your child can walk it together—and find joy in learning once again.