How to Find Time for Yourself When Raising a Big Family

Why Your Needs Still Matter—Even in a Full House

It’s 8 p.m. You’ve finally convinced your youngest to stop using the kitchen table as a jungle gym. Homework is half-done, dinner dishes are still in the sink, and you’re wondering when, or if, you’ll get five minutes to sit down. If you’re raising a large family, especially with school-age kids between 6 and 12, moments of personal time can feel like luxury—if not fantasy.

Parenting a big family is often a beautiful kind of chaos. But the truth is, the more children you have, the more intentional you need to be about carving out time for yourself. Not because self-care is a trend, but because your well-being is the foundation your entire family leans on. You already know this—you feel it in your bones on the days you’re running on fumes. But how do you actually make it happen?

What Taking Time for Yourself Really Looks Like

Let’s throw out the spa-day fantasy for a moment. Finding time for yourself isn’t always about leaving the house or escaping your life—it can be as simple as savoring a hot cup of tea while your kids listen to a story, or reading three pages of a book while they're reviewing their spelling words. It’s about building pockets of calm into the day that don't depend on external help, perfect timing, or a quieter home. Because let’s be honest—if you’re waiting for things to be quiet, you’ll be waiting a long time.

One mom I spoke with, who has five kids between ages 4 and 12, told me she started finding micro-moments for herself by shifting two things: her expectations, and her systems. "It wasn’t about needing hours—I just needed routines that bought me space." Sound familiar?

Start by Rethinking Your Evenings

Evenings are often the hardest time—everyone’s tired, emotions run high, and there’s still so much to do. But they also hold the most potential. I’ve written about evening routines before, and the biggest takeaway is this: create a predictable flow so your kids know what to expect. The more your children can anticipate the structure, the fewer power struggles you’ll face, and the more breathing room you’ll reclaim.

Start small. Maybe bath time starts at the same time every night. Maybe screen time is only after backpacks are packed. This consistency helps your kids wind down, and you get precious time back—no constant negotiations, no surprises.

Let Some Tasks “Self-Run”

One of the game-changers many large families swear by is anything that runs without you. For example, if your kids need to review a lesson or prep for a test, you don’t always have to be the quizmaster. Apps like Skuli allow kids to turn a photo of their lesson into a personalized quiz or even an audio adventure where they become the hero of the story—using their own first name. That means you can sip your tea while your child is deep in a math quest instead of begging them to focus on flashcards.

These tools don’t just save time—they transform learning moments into more independent, positive experiences, which in turn takes some pressure off you. And when your role shifts from manager to guide, space begins to open up.

Let the House Be “Good Enough”

Perfection is a trap, especially in a home where every room is lived in—and loudly. This doesn’t mean giving up on a functioning household. But it does mean prioritizing what really matters. Are the kids safe, loved, learning? Great. Is there laundry in the hallway? That’s tomorrow’s problem.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by clutter or logistics, you’re not alone. Many parents I speak with struggle with their environments being overstimulating. If this sounds like you, consider how your home is set up for daily life with many children. Sometimes, organizing specific routines around homework, meals, and storage can create just enough order for you to exhale.

Say Yes to Support That Doesn’t Look Like Babysitting

Support doesn’t always have to be another adult stepping in. Sometimes, it’s about creating systems your kids can follow on their own. For school-aged children, this might be a shared morning checklist, or an after-school rhythm that doesn’t require you to supervise every moment. Here are some of my favorite morning survival tips that have helped other big families breathe a little easier before 8 a.m.

Remember, every moment you empower your child to do something independently—even small things—you're giving them valuable life skills while also reclaiming pieces of your day.

Your Time Matters—Because You Do

Raising multiple children is a long journey. There will be seasons when you forget what silence sounds like, and that's okay. But in between the noise, you deserve slivers of peace—because your own emotional well-being influences the entire family's rhythm and resilience.

So take that 10 minutes in the car while they listen to their lesson as an audio story. Let the floor stay unswept after dinner if it means you can journal for five precious minutes. Over time, these choices stop feeling like luxuries and start becoming a part of your family's framework.

And if you ever wonder whether you deserve time for yourself, remember this: by showing your children that adults also need rest, reflection, and care, you're teaching them one of the most powerful lessons of all.

Need help balancing work, school, and everything in between? You may also like this piece on balancing work and family life when you have multiple kids. Or, if your kids share a room and it's adding to the daily tension, this article on shared sleeping spaces and their effect on learning might help you rethink the layout.