How Can I Tell If My Child Needs Help with School

That Quiet Worry We Carry

If you've ever laid awake at night glancing at the ceiling, replaying your child’s frustrated expression over math homework—or that unsettling silence when you ask, "How was school today?"—you're not alone. Most parents can sense when something’s off, but it’s hard to know what to do when the signs aren't dramatic. It’s not about failing grades or phone calls from teachers. Sometimes, the signals are gentle. A shrug. A forgotten assignment. A sparkle that’s just... missing.

Knowing whether your child needs help with school isn’t about jumping in at the first sign of difficulty—it’s about learning how to listen between the lines and tune into the quiet pulses of their daily life. Here’s how to start understanding what those signals might mean, and what you can do next.

The Disguises of Struggle

Children between the ages of 6 and 12 are rapidly growing—not just physically, but emotionally and cognitively. At this stage, many of them don’t have the language or confidence to tell us, “This is hard for me,” or, “I’m falling behind.” Instead, struggles with school often show up in disguised emotional patterns:

• Sudden disinterest in school topics they once liked
• Tiredness that isn’t explained by bedtime routines
• Meltdowns triggered by simple homework requests
• Excuses to avoid reading, writing, or preparing for a test

Some children mask this stress with humor or hyperactivity. Others turn quiet, internalizing their feelings to maintain a sense of control or avoid disappointing others. If you notice recurring patterns—whether it's tears during multiplication or books left untouched—it may be time to explore further.

Where to Begin: Observing Without Hovering

Start by watching them during homework time. Not intervening. Just watching. Are they confused but afraid to ask? Are they racing through work to just “get it over with”? Or maybe they seem to understand the lesson, but can’t remember anything the next day.

It helps to shift the goal from “getting it done” to “seeing how they think.” You don’t have to quiz them intensely. Try something simple like this gentle review approach at the end of the day: “What part of today’s schoolwork felt tough? What part felt okay?” An open-ended, nonjudgmental question can open a doorway.

The Link Between Emotions and Learning

One mother I spoke with, Sofia, told me something I’ll never forget. Her daughter, Emily, began saying she wasn’t “smart enough” to do science. Turns out, the issue wasn’t science—it was group projects. She didn't know how to contribute with confidence. School struggles often point to deeper emotional needs: the fear of not being good enough, the pressure to perform, or the exhaustion of keeping up.

If your child’s attitude toward school is changing, it may be time to rethink how they’re learning, not just what they’re learning.

Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore

While many kids go through brief dips in motivation or confidence, there are signs that suggest deeper academic needs:

• They consistently can’t remember what they learned earlier that week.
• Homework takes much longer than it should (e.g., two hours for something meant to take 30 minutes).
• You see anxiety spike around school-related tasks.
• They begin to avoid reading out loud or refuse to share their writing.

At this point, creating small rituals for reflection can help. A short quiz after a lesson, for example, can highlight where the gaps are—but only if it’s respectful and fun, not stressful. (If you’re not sure how to introduce this, here’s how to make quizzes a confidence-building tool).

Keep an Ear to How They Learn Best

Maybe your child remembers every word of that dinosaur podcast you played in the car but forgets what they just read in a math workbook. That’s a clue. Kids learn in different ways—some absorb through visuals, others through movement or auditory play. Listening to lessons while riding to soccer practice or turning reading into an audio story where they’re the hero can be game-changers.

Apps like Skuli can help with this in the background: a parent can snap a photo of a worksheet and it becomes an audio adventure starring your child by name. It's not about screen time, but about reimagining learning to fit who your child is. For some families, this step relieves pressure—and improves outcomes—in ways they didn’t expect.

When to Step In—and How

Once you believe your child needs help, don’t panic. This isn’t a moment of failure—it’s a moment of understanding. Talk with their teacher. Bring specific observations: “He seems to forget the day’s lesson after dinner,” or “She gets headaches on spelling test days.” This helps you both shape a support strategy.

At home, create a routine that balances revision with joy. If you’re not sure how to incorporate reviews without relying on screen time, this guide on screen-free study tools can be a gentle place to begin.

Above all, celebrate effort—not just outcomes. Children who are struggling often begin to define themselves as “not smart.” What they need most is to feel safe to try, to fail, and to grow anyway.

You’re Already Helping

If you’re reading this, it means you care enough to notice. You’re already doing the hardest and most important part: showing up. Your love gives them the courage to face what’s hard, to ask for help, to try again tomorrow.

When in doubt, lean into conversation. Make homework time less about completing tasks and more about reconnecting curiosity. If you need ideas, consider starting a simple 10-minute daily review habit that invites your child in rather than wears them out.

Remember: school is just a part of your child's story. With the right support, it can be a chapter full of strength, joy, and discovery—not stress.