Building Friendships at School: The Forgotten Key to Academic Success

Why friendships matter more than we think

When your child comes home frustrated, dragging their backpack behind them and muttering, "Nobody wanted to partner with me today," your heart sinks. For many parents, we focus so intently on grades, tutoring, and study routines, that we forget one of the greatest predictors of school success: belonging. Connection. Friendship.

Building meaningful friendships during the school years—especially between ages 6 and 12—isn’t just about playdates and birthday invites. It’s often the glue that holds a child together academically. A child who feels noticed and accepted by peers is far more likely to engage in class, take risks in their learning, and bounce back from challenges.

When learning feels like a solo struggle

Emma is 9. She's bright, curious, and has a particular love for animals. But lately, homework has become tears, and school mornings are battles. When I spoke with her mom, it wasn’t the math that was the problem—it was recess.

“She feels invisible,” her mom said. “She has no real friends in class. So then when she doesn’t understand something in math, she doesn’t ask. She doesn’t want to look even more different.”

This is not as rare as we’d hope. And it sheds light on something critical: When kids are socially disconnected, they stop participating. They hide. Their learning journey becomes a private—and painful—battle.

Emma’s story is echoed in current research and reflected in what educators see daily: social integration and academic performance are deeply intertwined.

School doesn’t just teach math—it teaches relationships

School is our kids’ first real training ground for navigating complex social worlds. They’re constantly making small—but impactful—decisions: Should I raise my hand? Who should I sit next to? What if someone ignores me?

These experiences help build a child’s sense of confidence and agency. When they feel liked and valued, it strengthens their identity as someone who belongs in the classroom.

Teachers know this. That’s why many classrooms are embracing collaborative work structures and explicitly teaching social-emotional skills. But it’s also something we, as parents, can help with too—even from home.

Helping your child form meaningful friendships

You can’t force friendships, but you can gently steer your child toward deeper connection. Here are some real-world approaches parents we speak with have found helpful:

Start small: shared moments matter. If your child doesn’t have strong friend groups yet, help them find common ground with others through small, shared activities—drawing, LEGOs, lunchtime jokes, or group learning games. These tiny moments are often the roots of friendships.

Practice social scripts at home. Not every child intuitively knows how to say, “Can I play with you?” or “Do you want to work together on the science project?” Practicing these phrases during play or role-play can increase their willingness to try.

Use tools that make learning social—or feel social. Some kids learn better when studying doesn’t feel like studying. For example, if your child feels isolated in class but still wants to engage in the material, you can make learning feel like a shared journey at home. One parent recently used a tool that transformed her daughter’s science notes into an interactive audio adventure where she solved mysteries as the main character—complete with her own name. She told us, smiling, “It became our inside joke. Now my daughter asks to review BEFORE the test.” (This was all done using the Skuli App—which also turns lessons into quizzes and audio files for on-the-go learning.)

Encourage group projects—even outside school. If your school has a flexible policy, suggest partnered assignments or at-home collaborations with classmates. Working together gives kids a reason to talk, rely on one another, and, often, become friends.

Normalize the awkward. Remember, even adults struggle at times to make friends. Let your child know that friendship takes time and that it’s normal to feel clumsy in the beginning. Share your own stories. Humor and honesty go a long way in easing their pressure.

Peer relationships: A safety net for struggling learners

For children with learning difficulties or school anxiety, positive peer relationships can be a major buffer. One study found that children were more likely to persist through academically difficult tasks when supported by peers who encouraged and collaborated with them.

That’s why creating connection isn’t just a “social” win—it’s an academic one too.

Even simple, regular pairings during reading time or math problem-solving can help reluctant learners gain momentum. When they don’t feel alone in their struggle, their effort increases. Their mood lifts. Confidence builds.

What schools and parents can do together

So how can we rethink academic success? It starts with changing our definition of what makes a “good day at school.” Instead of asking, “Did you finish all your work?” try, “Did you feel like you were part of something today?”

Schools that foster community through cooperative learning and partner work—as described in this article about cooperative learning—often see a marked rise in both student happiness and academic performance.

And when you, as a parent, model inclusive behavior, build bridges with other families, and advocate for classroom environments that support shared learning, you’re helping dismantle one of the biggest barriers your child may face: isolation.

As one child once said beautifully to their teacher: “When I sit next to my friend, my brain feels braver.”

Maybe that’s the best measure of academic success we haven’t been tracking nearly enough.

For more on how to strengthen listening, empathy, and connection, read our article on fostering respect and listening in the classroom.