Anxiety Attacks and Anger Outbursts: How to Support Your Emotionally Intense HPE Child

Understanding the Emotional Storm of an HPE Child

When a child throws a chair across the room or collapses in tears over a math worksheet, it can leave you—an already loving, exhausted parent—feeling helpless. Maybe you've read that your child is "high potential" or HPE (high potential emotionally), and you're beginning to understand why the world often feels just too loud, too fast, or too much for them.

But understanding it doesn’t always make the day-to-day easier. Learning how to support a child who feels everything deeply, from joy to despair, is a journey. Unlike the occasional tantrums all children can experience, emotionally intense children often seem to live in technicolor: their joy is boundless, their anxiety paralyzing, their anger volcanic.

If you’re wondering whether your child’s intense reactions go beyond the norm, you may want to explore these common signs of high emotional potential. Recognizing your child’s emotional intensity is the first step to supporting them—as well as yourself—with more clarity and compassion.

Name the Feeling, Tame the Feeling

One of the most powerful tools you can model for your child is emotional literacy. You're not just helping them label “sad” or “mad,” but guiding them to unpack the subtle flavors of frustration, overstimulation, disappointment, or excitement that they may not yet have words for.

During moments of calm, explore emotions with them gently. Books, drawing exercises, or even acting out different emotional scenarios can help a highly sensitive child begin to recognize the signs their body gives them. Try saying:

• “I noticed you clenched your fists—were you starting to feel angry?”
• “Looks like your voice got quiet when that happened. Were you feeling unsure or worried?”

The goal isn't to avoid challenging emotions—but to teach your child how to live with them. Emotional regulation is an ongoing skill, and like any skill it takes time and practice.

The Hidden Link Between Learning and Emotions

Many HPE children struggle in school—not because they can’t understand the material, but because their emotions get in the way of actually accessing it. A small setback, like forgetting a notebook, might trigger tears. A confusing math explanation might lead to an angry outburst.

As one parent told me recently, “When my daughter doesn’t grasp something instantly, she spirals. She says she’s stupid, breaks pencils, and refuses to try again.” These aren’t tantrums—they’re the result of real distress combined with perfectionism, anxiety, and emotional overexcitability.

This is where learning tools need to be more than just educational—they need to be emotionally responsive. That’s why some parents use features like turning school lessons into personalized audio adventures where the child becomes the hero of the story, using their name, available in apps like Skuli. When a child feels emotionally involved and safe, learning stops being a source of fear—and becomes play again.

Before the Storm: Intervene Early

One of the most common experiences for parents of HPE kids is feeling like emotions come out of nowhere. One moment everything is fine, the next they’re kicking over a chair. But just like with weather, emotional storms almost always have warning signs.

Start tuning into your child’s early cues—a flushed face, a clenched jaw, pacing, or increased noise sensitivity. You might say, “I notice your shoulders are really tight—do you want to take a minute break?” Intervening before the explosion not only diffuses the moment, it teaches your child how to notice their own warning signs, too.

You can also co-create a “calm plan” during a stress-free time. List what helps your child decompress: listening to music, jumping on a trampoline, going outside, or curling up with an audiobook. The key is offering tools for regulation, not punishments for dysregulation.

Tuning Into Their Narrative

Don’t underestimate the power of story. HPE kids often have vivid imaginations and respond deeply to narrative. You can use this strength to reframe experiences that overwhelm them.

For example, one dad I work with helped his son process the panic of starting a new school by creating a bedtime story about a brave raccoon named Theo who felt scared in a sky school, but discovered magical beams that lit up when he spoke his fears aloud. Fiction gave space for feelings that real life couldn’t yet hold.

Supporting a high potential child through their school journey demands creativity—inventive strategies are often the most effective ones. When your child feels seen and validated in their emotions, they’ll be more open to learning, exploring, and connecting.

Compassion First—for Them and for Yourself

If you take away one thing from this: your child is not broken. Their outbursts are not evidence of failure—yours or theirs. HPE children have immense emotional capacity. But they also need more support, scaffolding, and guidance to channel that intensity in healthy ways.

Remember that parenting an emotionally intense child can be isolating. You are not alone. Many parents have found tremendous relief simply in discovering that their child is different, not difficult. You may find this piece on understanding emotional sensitivity resonates with your experience.

Finally, take care of yourself. These years—full of tears, transformation, discovery and difficulty—are not easy ones. But you are building something powerful: resilience, empathy, connection, and trust. Your emotionally intense child is lucky to have you as their guide. And with tools, time, and compassion, this storm can become a strength.

For more guidance, explore how to support your HPE child in their academic life and help them thrive both emotionally and intellectually.