10 Positive Phrases to Say to Your Child to Help Build Their Confidence
Why What You Say Matters More Than You Think
When your child is feeling small in a world that seems too big—struggling with long division, dreading that class presentation, or staring blankly at a homework sheet—your words become their inner voice. For exhausted, loving parents trying to raise confident children, the way we speak can shape how our kids see themselves, especially between ages 6 and 12 when they’re defining their own self-worth.
Even if your child is surrounded by support, self-doubt can creep in. Low confidence often hides in plain sight, masked as procrastination or perfectionism. The good news? One of the most powerful tools for confidence-building is already in your hands: your words.
1. “I love how hard you tried.”
Effort matters more than outcome. When your child shows you a math test with a less-than-perfect grade, resist the impulse to correct or advise right away. Instead, acknowledge grit. This teaches them that persistence, not perfection, is worthy of celebration.
2. “It’s okay to find this hard. That means you’re learning.”
Kids often interpret difficulty as failure. This phrase reframes struggle as a normal part of growth. Imagine your child fumbling through reading a tricky paragraph. Instead of rushing to help, you sit beside them and say this—you’re giving them permission to be human.
3. “I believe in you, even when it’s hard for you to believe in yourself.”
Children need to borrow belief from someone. In those moments when they say, “I’m terrible at school”, your quiet belief becomes the bridge they can walk on. Whether they use it right away or in a moment weeks later, it stays with them.
4. “You don’t have to be the best—just be you.”
In classrooms full of comparison, this reminder is a balm. Your child doesn’t need to beat the class spelling champ. They just need to be their kind, inquisitive, imaginative self. Repeating this can realign their goals with what really matters: self-expression, not competition.
5. “What are you proud of today?”
Asking this nightly can change how your child views their day. They start measuring success by internal standards instead of external validation. Whether it’s taking a risk in class or staying calm when frustrated, it teaches them to own their wins.
6. “I noticed how you kept going even when it got hard.”
Specific feedback hits deeper than vague praise. Instead of “Good job,” try highlighting a moment of resilience—like when your child finished writing their story even though spelling every sentence was a challenge. This kind of validation makes their internal self-talk stronger.
7. “Your feelings make sense.”
A child who feels heard is a child who feels safer in their skin. When your daughter melts down before a school presentation or your son clams up while explaining a science project, don’t jump to solve—first, name what’s real for them. Then support. For more on this, here’s how to ease public speaking anxiety.
8. “You’re more than your grades.”
Even high-achieving children can feel like they’re only as good as their last test score. Let your child know that their kindness, curiosity, and effort matter more. Create space for conversations about school without focusing on performance. Look over art projects just as attentively as you look at math quizzes.
9. “You’re the kind of person who… (e.g., asks great questions, finds beauty in small things)”
This phrase helps you reflect back your child’s evolving sense of identity. Maybe your son notices patterns or your daughter always cheers up a friend who’s down. Naming these traits helps kids develop a positive self-image anchored in truth.
10. “Let’s find a way that works for you.”
NNot all kids learn the same way. Some are visual, others auditory; some thrive with movement, others with silence. Trying to force every child into the same academic mold can sap confidence fast. If your child hates reading out loud but loves storytelling, try turning lessons into personalized audio adventures where they become part of the action. (The Skuli App, for example, helps you do just that, using your child’s first name to bring school material to life through creative narratives.)
Closing Thought: You’re Their Anchor
Confidence isn’t built in a day. It’s stitched together through thousands of small moments—when your child feels seen, safe, and celebrated not just for what they do, but for who they are. Keep in mind that self-confidence and self-esteem aren’t identical, but both are deeply impacted by the words they hear at home.
So the next time your child doubts themselves, reach for one of these phrases. They may not always show it, but your voice—the one that stays calm, patient, and kind—becomes their compass in the moments they feel most lost.